My Fiancee Has Quit Her Job

This hasn't been an easy financial decision for us -- especially given our akward state as an "engaged" couple who haven't really merged our finances yet other than a joint savings account for the wedding fund.

There were a lot of reasons why she needed to leave - the overwhelming stress on her and the toll it was taking on our relationship being paramount. However we are also transitioning for my China assignment and since she was planning on coming over to China anyway later this year -- the end of the school year provided a nice time to announce her resignation.

This is a difficult adjustment for her to make -- she is pretty independant and the thought of not having her own income has scared her. Last week we sat down and came up with a budget for her:

Description	Amount
Mortgage (PITI)	$ 850.00
HOA	$ 98.00
cable	$ 50.00
water	$ 35.00
electric/gas	$ 125.00
cellphone	$ 38.00
medical	$ 300.00
gas	$ 75.00
food	$ 175.00
car insurance	$ 45.00
pet care	$ 50.00
personal care	$ 50.00
misc	$ 50.00

	$1,941.00

The purpose of this wasn't to really change her spending, so we didn't focus on what the money was being spent on -- just establishing what she felt she needed to get by.

We ran through her savings and established she could cover her budget through October (when we get married) if I gave her $600/mo for Aug, Sept, and Oct. She plans on doing some part-time work after she gets adjusted so depending on how much she brings in, she may not need all of this every month. At this point she will still run her own finances and I will give her a $600 check, although each day she is getting more comfortable with the idea of combining everything.

Its a little uncomfortable for both of us -- she feels like she is getting an allowance and I feel like I am throwing alot of money away. However, we both think its the right move to make for her and for our relationship. Luckily it is only for a few months (July-Oct) at this point so we can test the water and see how we both end up feeling about it. Then we can start talking about what happens after we are married.

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Comments (15)

Wow you pay 850 a month for mortage? and $45 a month for car insurance..

Wow good deals..

Posted by garrett | June 15, 2007 11:16 AM

Wow you pay 850 a month for mortage? and $45 a month for car insurance..

Wow good deals..

Posted by garrett | June 15, 2007 11:16 AM

Good luck with that adventure. It must be tough to quit your job when you're still on your own technically, even though you know there is someone there to back you up. When our baby comes in August, my wife is quitting her job, but that's an entirely different scenario.

Posted by FamilyFinanceBlog | June 15, 2007 12:38 PM

This must be a big step forward for her. Does she plan to quit long term or is this a short term move? Good luck with this since financially it will be a big hit for you. However, I'm sure she can take care of many little things for you (like errands, kids in the future etc) if she stays at home full time though.

Posted by MoneyNing | June 15, 2007 3:21 PM

Only you guys can know what's best for you. I know if it was me, I would want my wife to keep working (somewhere), as it would not be clear why she was not working (we don't have kids or anything). We are both going to stop working at the same time, so that we can both enjoy our retirement, and one person won't be lying around at the expense of the other's happiness.

Posted by Alex | June 15, 2007 4:58 PM

2million, you never cease to amaze me. Why is supporting your significant other (especially when she is making the decision to support you) looked at as throwing money away? Also, why is supporting your wife-to-be's financial investment and living expenses looked at as throwing money away? If you're really concerned about throwing money away, why doesn't she sell her place (and save $1000-$1300 in mortgage/utilities)?

On a more serious note, I posted a comment before about working together financially and getting on the same page. I can guarantee there will be things that your wife spends money on when you're married that you don't agree with, and vice versa. I applaud you and her for beginning to work together. However, you still have quite a ways to go. And I can't stress enough how working together and comingling before marriage is VERY important to alleviate unnecessary pain post marriage.

Posted by LLS | June 15, 2007 5:37 PM

Throwing money away is probably a harsh way for me to put it -- but its an adjustment to part with an extra $600/mo. Your right we have a long ways to go, but this is a step in the right direction for us. Lots more to come on merging our finances over the next couple of months.

Posted by 2million | June 15, 2007 5:53 PM

*if* you choose to merge your finances, I think it will help in dealing with stuff like this. If it all ends up in the same pot like a joint checking account, then it just feels different than you writing her a $600 check each month.

Posted by Jonathan | June 16, 2007 7:35 AM

I think you mean, "independent", not, "independant".

Posted by Chris J | June 17, 2007 5:11 PM

Please sign a prenuptial, if you haven't already.

We would all hate to see half off you hard work and dedication go down the drain should (god forbid) things not work out for you two.

Posted by Mike | June 18, 2007 12:51 AM

wow, that's a big step, but you probably already figured out is about working as a team. After running the numbers 2 years ago, my husband and I figured I could quit my job. It's been awesome since I quit 1 1/2 years ago; he's more relaxed, as am I, and he'll be the first to say that it makes way more sense than for both people to be focused on their jobs with nothing left over for personal life.

It's all about working as a team and figuring out what's best for your marriage, not just what's best for yourself. I feel so grateful that I have a husband that values my contributions, past and present, and doesn't just see it in monetary terms.

Posted by finance girl | June 18, 2007 2:19 PM

Danger Will Robinson! Danger!!

I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger...but she ain't messing with a broke...

Quits her job months before you marry because it's 'stressful'. Hope your Spidey Sense is tingling. PRE-NUP!

Posted by Robbie the Robot | June 26, 2007 7:23 PM

I don't think you have to worry about anyone being a 'gold digger' whose willing to agree to $100/month for personal care and misc. What is she planning on wearing?

Posted by anon | July 16, 2007 2:09 PM

My wife quit work a few months before we married. Hasen't earned hardly anything since. Been married 25 years. Better think about it. When you marry you have taken on a dependent.

Posted by Anonymous | October 27, 2007 8:03 AM

My wife quit working the day she gave birth to our first two babies (twin girls). That was 7 3/4 years ago.
Since then we've had 2 additional children, which causes my wife some undue stress.
Interestingly enough, our P+I for mortgage is just slightly less than what you pay for all of your bills each month (it's $1,937/month). But that's because we chose to get a shorter term mortgage so that we didn't have one when I retired.

Posted by Myself | November 8, 2007 1:33 PM